Well, that explains most of it. In 5 days I am moving from Michigan to Oregon with one of my best friends. Why? Why not?
I didn't do well in college and I had some money saved up so I decided to move across the country just to experience something new.
I was gonna write a huge, long, diary style post about my feelings, but it just feels unnecessary. I've lived in Michigan for my entire life and for years I've been thinking about moving away (even though I really love where I live). I just want to experience something diferent and live far away from my parents (even though I really love them). As you might guess, I'm pretty darn excited. I'm a little stressed and a little scared, but at the end of the day if I let my fear dictate what I do I'll never accomplish anything.
For a lot of my life I've allowed fear to control a lot of what I do, cleverly coming up with other excuses. This is hopefully the begining of me putting myself out there and allowing myself to do whatever I want to do.
So, I have been done with high school for several months now and I had a pretty grreat high school experience. No, I wasn't one of the 'popular' kids, but I had a great time with my friends and an overall fun experience. So I figured I could shed some light on some things that might help you through those great 4 years.
Thanks for reading!
I know I included several movies in my last post, but while many people aresharing their woes about the tradgedies of 2016, I'd like to shed some light on my 15 favorite movies of 2016.
1. La La Land. I know, this one's pretty obvious; it won 7 Golden Globes for heavens sake! But it is absolutely one of my favorite movies of all time. It's dreamy, magical and very real all at the same time. Heartbreaking and heart warming, absolutely fantastic!
2. Rogue One. As a pretty big Star Wars fan, but also one who doesn't have the "highest of standards", I though it was fantastic! Some people thought it was slow moving, but it didn't feel that way to me at all. I loved the characters and the plot and the ending was prefect, if a bit heartbreaking.
3. Deadpool. Some say the humor was immature, and I get that. But it was one of those "Robert Downy Jr. playing Iron Man" perfect fits. It was fun and dirty and still had awesome super hero elements that I love.
4. Zootopia. This and Sing were my favorite kids movies of the year. Heartwarming, fun, joyful, incredibly acted. Finding Dory and Trolls were close as well, it was a great year for kids movies!
6. Zoolander No. 2. Way better than I expected. Even better than the first.
7. Sausage Party. Yes it was completely outrageous, but I loved the it went there. It took things other movies had hinted at and innuedos that are generally left at innuendos and just went there.
8. Sully. A beautiful and heartwarming story, brought me to tears.
9.Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. While this may not exactly be a cinematic masterpiece, it was one of the most fun movies to watch with friends this year. One of those movies you can love making fun of.
10. Edie the Eagle. Another awe inspiring true story.
11. Swiss Army Man. It's hard to explain this one, I'm sure lots of people hated it, but for me it had a very special, whimsical feel that I loved.
12.Snowden. I don't really have much to say about this one, but for me it was inspiring and emotional.
13.Middle School:The Worst Years of my Life. I just loved this. Very simple, with mediocre acting (as expected), but will touch the heart of any young adult who struggled with being creative in a strict middle school/high school.
14. Hacksaw Ridge. Look at my last post...
15. Office Christmas Party. I felt I had to have another comedy on the list and this is one that really surprised me. Not quite as heartwarming as I would've liked, but tons of fun.
In haven't seen all the movies from this year, so I'm sure some really valuable movies have been left out (Hidden Figures and A Monster Calls at the top of the list). Let me know some of your favorite movies this year!
I mean, I'm pretty sure no one reads this, but hi again. It's been a couple months. I haven't totally forgotten or anyhting, I've been working on a few drafts of posts, but none of them feel ready. So, I figured I'd jot something down, just to get it out there. November ended yesterday, and I've got some things that I discovered I really liked this month, so a la youtube style...here are some of my November Favorites!
1. I found a pair high waisted Express jean leggings at a thrift store and they are amazing! The jean material is thick enough that it doesn't feel like leggings (which is a plus for me), but stretchy like leggings. The high waist and ankle cut are super flattering. I couldn't find the exact pair on the Express website (I'm guessing they're pretty old, they were almost too worn out for me to buy), but I found some similar ones for $70! If anyone knows a cheaper dupe, please let me know.
2. My Cutter & Buck mens caramel color, faux suede fall jacket. Another thrift steal, I got it for $5. With the cold, Michigan weather starting up, this has been a life saver! Cozy, warm and a bit big for extra comfort, it's perfection, especially with another sweater underneath as the silky interior isn't the warmest. I couldn't find anything like it on their website, so it must be a pretty old style, but I still wanted to mention it because I wear it just about every day!
3. Rimmel London matte BB cream. It goes on super nicely, makes my skin look great and is fantastic if I'm running late. I don't nead a concealer or powder with it; I just slap it on and look 10x better. $6 at Target, also available at Meijer, Walmart, Walgreens, CVS and Rite Aid.
4. Two E.L.F. products. A contouring blush and bronzer duo in fiji and a limited edition eyeshadow pallette 'Love your Look'. The blush inthis contour pallette is super bright when you first put it on, but with some blending, it is amazing and the bronzer complements it nicely. The eyeshadows are just great, the pallette is full of every day use colors and, for the price, are of fantastic quality.
5. Last makeup product, Neutrogena revitalizing lip balm. It has a subtle tint (plenty of options for different skin tones), is super moisturizing and has a great, light scent. It is a bit pricy, almost $9 where I buy it, but if you find it on sale, I highly suggest it.
6. Vlogumentary. It's a documentary on vloggers posted on YouTube Red by the Shaytards. I'm not sure if you can get it anywhere else, but if you have access to it, I highly recommend it! It's super interesting and well made, so if you enjoy documentaries or youtube (or both), definitely put it on the list.
7. Stainmaster Carpet stain remover is a fantastic carpet stain remover and an esstial if you are renting and prone to spillage!
8. Finally, here are a few movies that came out this month that I really enjoyed!
And already you're probably thinking 'What?'
Well, in the last couple of days I had two experiences that really changed how I felt about the human condition (kind of I think, I'm trying really hard to word this correctly). I don't really know how to introduce things, but here's what happened.
1. I was buying groceries around 9 o'clock at night. I had no plans for the rest of the evening and this was supposed to be about the one productive thing I was going to do all day. I went to a self-checkout lane; not one of the small ones, but an 'unlimited item' one, with a long conveyor belt (hopefully you know what I mean). There was only one person in front of me, a youngish looking middle aged woman, looked like a mom. She was about to pay, so I figured it would go really quickly. She ended up messing up her pin about four times, having to call who I assume was her husband to verify that she was typing in the correct numbers. I believe that in the end she had been hitting cancel instead of enter. It took probably ten to fifteen minutes to get everything figured out, then she had to pay part in cash, she was obviously struggling financially and had foodstamps and coupons. She looked super stressed and on the verge of tears. The shop attendant had had to come over at least three times and the lady was super apologetic. She turned around and told me how sorry she was a couple of times.
As this was happening, I just kept thinking about how many people would have been super annoyed and gone into a diferent lane and I almost did the same, but I didn't have anywhere to go, so why? I felt so bad for the woman that I got a bit of a lump in my throat. I would have payed for her groceries, but she was buying over hundred dollars worth of stuff and I'm a broke college student. I just kept thinking about how rude I could imagine so many people would be and how bad I would feel in her situation.
As it turned out, she was super sick, "you know that kind of sick where you just don't want to move, everytime you stand up your knees feel like they're going to give out," I believe is how she explained it. We had a bit of a conversation while she was bagging up all of her groceries and while at first I had judged her as a bit of a white trash soccer mom, she was SUPER nice. She kept apologizing and while we were bagging up groceries together she kept saying "oh, go ahead, grab a bag, I'm the one in the way." We both bought the same tortillas and I think she accidentally ended up taking mine and hers, I didn't care. To the super sick soccer mom in meijer the other day, you keep those tortillas, you deserve those tortillas.
2. This second one is quite a bit shorter. Today I went and saw Sully in the move theater. A woman kept getting super emotional, very loudly throughout a lot of the movie. She'd laugh or go "YES!" and it was always exactly how I was feeling on the inside. It really made me happy that no one told her to quiet down. If anything, people started to join in a bit. We were all sitting in this dark theater experiencing this beautiful, emotional story together and that woman made us all feel connected, as cheesy as that sounds.
So what exactly is the importance of these moments? Human experience. Being patient and understanding and emotional and together. Living in the moment and showing kindness through every step on the journey of life. As cheesy as all this is, those two moments were two of the most surreal and eye-opening of my life.
So, that got off to a pretty depressing start, well, I won't lie. This isn't going to be an incredibly uplifting post. I am in the middle of my third week of college and I'm already behind on my homework. Okay, that doesn't sound too bad. I know what you're thinking; just set aside some time and get the reading/writing done. No, the problem goes deeper than that. The problem is that I am a master procrastinator and one of the laziest people you will ever meet. I've known this since about the age of 15. I kept telling myself that I would get better. I get new calendars and planners. I try to reset and reset my life over and over again. I save self-help articles on how to stop procrastinating and how to organize your life, but I rarely read them, and I never use any of the information. I tell myself that I am going to do my homework and then I get sucked into the vortex of youtube, or I go grocery shopping and clorox wipe the hell out of my bathroom and call it a day. "At least I've done something productive" I tell myself. Then reward myself with a couple more hours of youtube and then go to work if I have to. I tell myself that after a busy day of four classes and a bit of last minute, half-assed homework, I deserve a break. Homework can wait for my 1 class days. BUT IT NEVER GETS DONE. At the most, I will skim a reading or fill in a couple of questions. May I remind you that it is the THIRD week of school. I am already considering dropping out because it's not worth it if I'm just constantly anxious and never doing any work.
After that, I remember that it is my goal to get a degree, even if I don't use it. I remember that if I drop out I will probably work minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life, that I will never travel outside of the country and that I will be even more depressed than I am now. This spiral of procrastination and feeling bad about myself doesn't only revolve around school. This blog is not the first I've tried to make work. This is the one that's gotten the furthest (And I don't think I've posted in two weeks or more). This is also the one I spent money on, so...that might be part of it.
I've also wanted to start a youtube channel for years and years and years, but I always put it off. Until I get a good camera, until I have a great name, until I get editing software, until I live on my own, ect. It's never going to happen if I don't do it now. That's what I said two nights ago. Then I went to bed and decided that today I have too many classes to make a video and tomorrow I have to spend time with my grandma and my boyfriend...
Even though I have admitted that I have a problem and have made plans to fix it, I don't think I've gotten anywhere. So what is the solution? Do I shut down my social media and focus on school? Do I keep going with this blog and start a youtube channel? I feel very inspired to work hard now and get my school stuff done and all that, but will I feel the same tonight when I get home after two more long classes and teachers asking for unfinished homework?...I don't know
I wrote this to get all of that off of my chest. Writing has always been what makes me feel better, ever since I discovered journaling (another thing I put off even though it makes me feel better). This (although proof read) will remain relatively unedited and I hope that that makes it seem more authentic, and not like an unproffessional breakdown.
What do you think? Am I being a baby? Do I need an intervention? Is this something a lot of people go through? Share your opinions and experiences in the comments below, or share your personal story with me through a contact form and we can go through the tumultuous journey of university together!
Thanks for reading!
You might not think it's possible to learn much on the first day. Afterall, everything's just getting started and a lot will change once you get used to how everything works. Obviously, I'm not a pro after my first day and I'm the first to admit that some of these might change. I'm sure I'll do some kind of update, possibly at the end of the semester or year. But without further ado, here are 8 things I've learned today.
Thanks for reading!